T.J. Miller - T.J. Miller текст песни

TJ Miller (repeated)

I'm like Pepsi, I'm always second best
Like Melissa Etheridge, I'm usually in a vest
I'm like Home Depot, if I can't flow
There's Hispanics out front, ready to go

I'm like Southwest, you're free to move around
But the only place I'm goin' is D-Town
I'm like Mr. Clean, I appear out of nowhere
Jeffrey Tambor, downtown, subtle, no hair

I'm like FEMA, I always come late
I'm like Puerto Rico, I'm not really a state
I'm like Donald Duck, you can't understand a word
I'm dangerous and friendly to kids, call me Notorious BIG Bird

I'm like Maury Povich, I make a living off exploitation
I'm like Cubans, sometimes I mix myself up with Haitians
I'm like Sarah Palin, I'm the scum of the Earth
I'm like Jaden Smith, I was set since birth

I'm like my mom's friend, Allison Galansky
When I have dinner parties, I don't invite me

I'm like Dave Matthews, my fans are all tools
I'm like cricket y'all, I don't quite understand the rules
I'm like an overweight advice columnist/hunter-director of photography
I shot 'Dear Flabby'
It was a documentary, it actually won Best Picture
at Thundance and South By Northeast.
We submitted to Cannies, but it didn't take.

I'm like a claw-machine, you usually don't win
I'm like that all that's evil and not real, you can call me sin
I'm like a clown without makeup, still kinda scary
I'm like a Scrabble dictionary

'Cause I'm useless, but with a great vocabulary
I'm confusing, like when a girl named "Mary" gets married
I'm like Gary Coleman, it didn't end up so great
I'm like pornography, I use me to masturbate

Flight attendant to ya phone, I'll get ya turned off
I'm like a creepy doctor, don't turn your head when you cough
I'm like a butterface, 'cause I have margarine on my face
I'm like china in a bull shop, I'm still outta place

I'm like cryogenics, no one really knows exactly what I am
or if it extends one's own life; it's probably just science fiction
to help people stave off their fear of mortality you know?
I'm like that

I'm like Krevin Harbutton, no one's ever heard of me
I'm an annoying phenomenon, I'm like 'Glee'
I'm like LA 'cause I take my time to crush your soul
I'm like New York City, I'm already full

I'm like Richard Nixon, except I'm a crook
Like a blind person with audiotapes, I don't do it by the book!

I'm like King Kong, 'cause I sweat a lot
I mean nobody ever talks about it, but he probably sweats a lot
I'm like Q-tip, I didn't make it fuckin' rhyme for real
But yo technically, I'm not made of steel
I'm mostly water
I'm mostly water

(Did you know the human body is close to 97% water?)
(I mean, it's like.. entirely water.)

I'm like Cali Swag, I'm a one hit wonder
I'm like a cold hit without mass appeal, I'm 'Six Feet Under'
I'm like glasses, since July I've been out of fashion
I'm the cultural elite, I'm the last intellectual bastion

I'm like Elvis Presley, 'cause I stole that shit
I'm like Charlie Parker, 'cause I'm that 'Bird' shit
Yo, riffin's in my blood, and it's not about to clot
Improvise like the Sun, all important and fuckin' hot

I'm like a flasher in the cold, I always wear two coats
I'm like Angela Lansbury, I wrote 'Murder She Wrote'
I'm like Mrs. Doubtfire, I look good in a wig
I'm like that farmer from 'Babe', That'll do pig

That-that'll do pig, that'll do pig [repeated]
Oh boys, oh-oh, oh boys. Oh boys (boys)

Black people.